Al Bundy Quotations

I'm jealous of every man not married to you.
I wish the world was a fly and I'm a giant rolled up newspaper.
Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.
Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.
Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
Oh, Lord, if I ever meant anything to you, please let me fall asleep before she thinks of sex.
Please, Peg, if you have any feelings for me, don't make me make love to you.
Milwaukee, That's the town they built around your mother isn't it, Peg?
A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!
I've got two TV guides. One on the table and one in the bath-room. I'm rich!
Marcy's niece? She must be from the unfeathered side of the family!
You hate to see me eat, don't you, Peg?

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