Chuck Norris facts NEW!!!!

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. 
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

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